September 22, 2009

sorry for the delay.

so my life’s been a little interesting and busy as of the past month and a half. im sorry i havent been asking questions. don’t worry. ill be back.

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some like it raw and wild, others hot and spicy, and some even like it sweet and sticky. How do you like it?

some like it raw and wild, others hot and spicy, and some even like it sweet and sticky. How do you like it? thats what i asked about 5 weeks ago…. haha. about 19 out of 103 answered. heres what you said…

"Raw and wild"

"I have sushi on the brain so I like it raw, spicy and sweet. Hence my love of empire rolls…"

"Who is this?"

"My food or my sex?"

"All of the above… naked"

"I like it salty but not too thick. Thats prime rib of course"

"Out of those combos, hot and spicy sounds most intriguing because raw and wild means its raw you’re bound to catch something if its not cooked all the way, or you’re bound to catch something cuz they’re aint no protection and sweet and sticky just aint my stule the sticky part sounds really annoying!"

"We talked hot wings? i don eat meat…"

"Raw and wild. It’s soooo much better."

"You choose. Just make sure it’s a buffet."

"Salty. Always."

"I like the general tso."

"Being chased by a police helicopter"

"Hahaha… I like to start with the raw and wild then the hot and spicy and end with the sweet and sticky"

"Sticky and raw"

"Definitely hot and spicy. Mexicans are hot."

"That depends on a whole myriad of factors. Anyway but sticky though… I hate sticky."

"This question is too dirty for 10 am! But my rice should always be hot"

"Mom said you need to make sure you flush the toilet after you poop. The cats have been eating turds again."

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July 31, 2009

how do you get rid of unwanted guests?

how do you get rid of unwanted guests? is what i asked you guys this week. about 37 out of 104 of you responded…. heres whatcha said….

"Throw up on them"

"You fart"

"I usually inch to the door"

"What would you do?"

"Fall asleep"

"Tell me when u get a good answer"

"Tell them I’m going to sleep."


"The american way. Subtle, non verbal ques."

"Tell them to get the fuck out lol"

"idk how?"

"By offering them crack."

"Tell them you have the swine flu"

"Use Herpicil, works like a charm every time."

"Tell them to bounce b4 I call the cops"


"Leave them there and Fly to orlando! Thats what i did. Why kick them out and stay at your shitty house when you can leave them there and go somewhere better?! H"

"Get naked"


"Hmm boyfriend or otherwise. Send them to the store to get a goodbye card "for a friend" then pack up their stuff when their gone then when they return thank them, sign it, and hand the card back to them along with their luggage. You can add decorative bows or wrapping paper for added effect."

"Tell them sorry but i must get up early and YOU GOTTA GO"

"Boot to the head. Na na!"

""Ya’ll gotta go""

"Kick em out"

"Tell them u need to go somewhere"

"Talk about your upcoming clan rally"


"Start talking about scientology Then say how you’d like to convert them"

"Offer to give blow job while they siting on their thumb."

"I give my unwanted strAight male guests blowjobs usually gets rid if them pretty quick"

"Mary come out to san Francisco and I will show you."

"I pee on them. Works every time."

"I politely ask them to leave."

"eat beanz"

""I have to go now" Invent a reason to leave for a while haha"

"I start describing my most recent monthly visit from aunt flo in full detail. Works like a charm."

"give them the awkward stare."

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July 24, 2009

two is always better than one, except for?

two is always better than one, except for? im not sure why. so far about 23 out of 104 of you have responded…. here’s what you said….

"crying babies…babies in general…"

"Boca burgers"

"…they find out there’s a second!"


"Having many wives, idk how polygamists do it…"

"Monogamy > polygamy"






"Genital worts"


"When u are removing internal organs."

"When its a threesome"




"Except for when it comes to your face"

"When I play with myself. Cause you cant play with myself. Its Gramatically and religiously wrong…Incorrect. Not wrong. I don’t like the word wrong cause it sounds like itself."

"The number of Gods you worship."

"Except for the fact that three’s a crowd.

"Stds? Lol"

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July 10, 2009

what’s your excuse?

what’s your excuse? is what i asked you guys this week. im just tired. all around. thats my excuse. well. so far 32 out of 103 of you responded… here’s what you said:

"I’m gay"


"OMG! I had a dream abt you and ur family last night?! My excuse is that Michael Jackson is gone!"

"i’m needy"

"There is no excuse for me"

"Michael jackson didn’t ask me to be a surrogate mother."

"I just didnt do it"

"I was drunk."

"I have a broken ankle"

"For what"

"Michael Jackson"

"There is no excuse, I can’t believe you thought I was uset with you"

"Im sorry, she was just so hot, i couldnt help myself"

"Shhh but I’m not human"

"I’m waiting for my check to come in"

"she told me she was 18!"

"I have ADHD"

"Get fucked!! Ps love you mary ;)"

"I was born a month late i cant be on time"

"Shut your butt Awad."

"The devil made me do it"

"I wanna feel like i mean something!!!!!!!!!!"

"i’m hungry"

"I’m not in the mood to answer an awkward question Mary ;/"

"I missed the train. Again."


"I smoke a lot of pot"

"Excuse for what?"

"My Harddrive CRASHED! Ugh"

"My vagina has a first name…..o-s-c-a-r"

"My cat won’t let me"

"Asbestos poisoning"

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July 3, 2009

If you could be anyone of the opposite sex and color, who would you be? why?

If you could be anyone of the opposite sex and color, who would you be? why? is what i asked you guys this week. cause well…. george wanted me to. haha. so. about 22 out of 104 of you responded. here’s what you said:

"I would never want to be a girl under any circumstances…but I’ll be black, why you might ask? Why the hell not!?"

"I would be my girlfriend. I mean, then I won’t need to look in the mirror to see something beautiful all of the time. And I would get layed somethin fierce.."

"Meryl Streep!!!!!!!!"

"Keri Hilson. Cuz she is the shit."

"Denise from the cosby show. I think It’s obvious why."

"Bill cosby because he’s awesome."

"Gravel 4 square game"

"easy. bobby. brains. and beauty."

"Mmm probably barack obama. Hes pretty legit"

"My girlfriend. So i could chek myself out naked all day!"

"Rip van winkle man, I just want to go to sleep and wake up an older more successful me. With a big bushy beard :)"

"A black man so I could have a large penis!!! Woohoo!"

"Will smith he’s the shit"

"Mary Awad. Cuz I’d hit that."

"The guy im crushing on b.c he’s lucky enough to be able to have me. Lmao but in a less narcissistic fashioin, id be a basketball player like kobe but white. Cuz he’s sexy and rich & famous & plays basketball as a job. Plus white ppl have it better."

"Venus Williams. Duh. Cause she kicked ass today at Wimbledon!"


"well i would be a fictional character, hope that counts! sayid from lost because he rulezzzzz"

"I would be el haj malik el shabbaz, a..a. Malcom X. I am a girl who is ‘white."

"Toni Morrison cause she is one cool ass mofo"

"Wanda Sykes cuz she’s wild and zexy.

"Lucy lu. Sooo hot."

"Some amazingly hot african drummer boy from the bush! :D"

"Snoop dog. Sexual chronic seduction… Plus I heard he has a lot of dog in that kennel."

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June 26, 2009

what’s your specialty in the kitchen?

what’s your specialty in the kitchen? is what i asked you guys this week. drish and i had a cookoff this week. thats what inspired this. so far. about 26 out of 105 of you have responded… here’s what you said……

"I make a mean cereal! So mean it tried milkin me! For what I got! Neeeeeyaaaaa"

"Not cleaning it."

“‘Chicken cordon bleu”

"Outshining everyone else I know."

"hummus and roasted pepper!’

"Chicken alfredo"


"chicken stuffed w/dried fruit & rosemary, wrapped in bacon. Mmm"

"Vegan chocolate chunk cookies and shrimp scampi"

"Everything but baking I still owe u dinner"

"Baked Chesse-Stuffed Chricken breasts wrapped in bacon."

"Burning things and eating other peoples food"

"El hot pocket"

"Beef Wellington and brisket And baumkuchen cake for dessert"

"Spice rubs"

"Absolute innovation!"


"Everything pcik it i’ll make it ith luv"

"Being barefoot and pregnant"

"Bacon wrapped dates and Ice cream rolls with chocolate sauce. I’m hungry… I’m going to eat my hand."


"Getting beer"

"Lets just say I add spice"

"Eating :o)"


"Burritos, tacos, enchiladas. basically mexican food."

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June 18, 2009

as your personal assistant, what would be my duties?

as your personal assistant, what would be my duties? is what i asked you guys this week. haha. its my ex-boss’ birthday today. and well…. i essentially was his assistant…. so i figured id ask you guys what id have to do if i was YOUR personal assistant….. haha. about 29 out of 103 of you responded… heres what you said…

"Ud be my slave"

"Just personal things. Heh heh!!"

"Haha i think we could work something out"

"To clean my balls. That’s it. Just follow me around, and clean my balls when needed."

"Play outside and eat fruit with me!"

"Get my damn u coffee lol"

"My dessert after a loooong days work girl!"

"Shower daily, pick up gracie’s poo!"

"Collecting money so I can but a macbook pro."

"huffing dong."

"Ur a dirty dirty girl ;) just how i like it. But id prob have u build me a machine that doesn’t require me to get up to use the bathroom or shower."


"Aren’t you already my personal assistant ;)"

"Go to work for me"

"Coffee all the time, buy me more shoes clothes, rub my back, schedule my mani pedi’s and hair appointments, find me a good bang that won’t want the commitment."

"To hang out with me. All day."

"Be awesome & hilarious (which you already are), make sure food & weed’s on deck & occasionally have drinks with me. <3 ya"

"To get my morning coffee"

"Figure out what time my favorite shows are on and watch then with me"

"Wiping me"

"Waxing my butt once a week."

"Folding laundry and setting the dvr to record two and a half men"

"laugh a lot and come to haunted houses with me."

"to ensure quality assurance for all dietary needs, aka make sure bacon/tea/blue cheese are always around."


"Get me a job"

"Your duties would include whipping me, putting on my pjs, bring me a head of a pig on a silver platter and what not. …… oh not to mention the random oral sex"

"To doody! LOL!"

"Cleaning my diamonds and modeling my jewelry for my audiences. Egyptian gold!"

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June 11, 2009

<3. idreamaboutyoueverynight. ?

<3. idreamaboutyoueverynight. is what i asked you guys well. told you guys this week…. did any of you believe me? about 30 out of 105 of you responded. here’s what you said:

"wrong person?"

"Who is this"


"Really lol"

"Ummm, I don’t, is this one of those…what’s going on here?"

"Oh marry marry, quite contrary."

"Haha that wasn’t an awkward question"

"Hahaha i know  :)"

"Fucking liar. =P"

"Haha marry i realy miss you. Next time you’re home can we please go on a date?"


"i dream about bacon covered in maple syrup."

"….Who meeeeee???"



"You are precious"

"aw mary hahaha"

"I understand"

"That’s so funny ur the 2nd person to tell me that this morning. I think I have mind powers over u like sabrina the teenage witch. I <3 Mary!!!"

"Que? lol"


"Youarealwaysinmydreamstoo! :)"

"Is that this weeks question? Haha i like it!"

"You would."


"Well that’s a bit forward.."

"Well this is awkward… considering I don’t even know who this is"

"Hey listen I need you to stop these messages because out of context they look extremely bad- my GF freaked out… Pp"

"Goodnight dear :)"

"holycrapthatisshocking. hehe"

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June 7, 2009

how often do you wash and lube?

how often do you wash and lube? is what i asked you guys this week. i was asked to make this weeks question as dirty as possible. and well… how much dirtier can you get really?  and well…. about 19 out of 105 of you responded…. here’s what you said….

"Im not sure i ever lube. I wash twice daily though"

"Only when uask me to"

"Marry u have to specific lol wash & lub what"

"Well I don’t have a car, but I do shower once or twice a day and clean my ass several times a day on the sink"

"Whenever i feel especially dirrrrty"


"My car? I sure hope that’s what you mean"

"Lube wat??"


"My balls? Daily."

"Lube? LOL"

"Hmm, every 3 months about."


"well""well…i hear lube jobs are pricey and i mainly avoid them. washes are erratic."

"Isn’t that for cars? I could be wrong but if so, being that I don’t have one, never!"

"I… wasn’t sure the two were mutually exclusive?"

"Yumm, strawberries are good washed and lubed."

"I was everyday but i dont use lube"

"oh and washin and lub’in occurs weekly for the oldsmobile"

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