always awkward.

small talk. what's your best pick up line?

small talk. what’s your best pick up line? just curious about what your best pick up lines were… about 28 out of 105 of you responded…. here’s what you said….


“wanna get naked?”

“”HI””

“Did you fart bc you blew me away.”

“”Buy me a beer.”“

“Well ill just run up to them and just as em to please please gimme their number, kinda like i’m in a hurry”

“Dont have any:(”

“”You know you’re so beautiful right? cuz then you can’t help but smile and say “i know” then ur cockiness attracts him even more. what’s urs? Or of!! “scuse me can i talk to u for a minute” cuz then you remember the mad tv skit & burst in laughter”

“”Hey, here is my number (hand girl your number), you should call me” and just walk away. Treat um like dirt and they will stick to you like glue!!!”

“Get on it or else.”

“APPARENTLY it’s, “Hi I’m **** *******, I’m 17.”

“Wanna go half on a baby?”

“Are you from Tennessee cuz you’re the only ten-i-see”

“I think you’re an absolute BABE. Wanna get out of here and explore one another?”

” marry all they need to fall in love with me is see me from their periphery LOL they say pics are worth a thousand words and I’m worth a thousand times more! LOL”

“Nice ovaries.”

“girl……..(then I pick her up, game over)”

“Wanna blaze one up…..in my bed?”

“Well i have no answer which explains why im single”

“Never had one”

“Dude, where have u been?”

“im single. id love to hear that once and a while . or deal with dudes that dont have girlfriends. im not a fan of the gf death glare”

“my love for you is like pi, significant, infinite, and irrational”

“If I told you that you had a sexy body, would you hold it against me?”

“Small talk? Girls just get on…” “Ha. You do know I just respond to your always awkward with the first thing that comes to my mind.”

“How much does a polar bear weigh? Female replies “I don’t know.” Answer with “enough to break the ice.”

“Wat responses did u get so far”

“3==D~~~~~~~~”

“U have pretty eyes”

what's your fantasy?

what’s your fantasy? i stole this question from my friend’s status message. haha. i read it. and was intrigued. so i asked you guys. unfortunately…. only about 19 out of 105 of you responded…. haha. here’s what you said…

“mm, what kind of fantasy? Ha ha”

“Last time I spoke my fantasy outloud I continuously woke up win the middle of the night with scratches all over my body! No joke!”

“Unsubscribe”

“It’s pronounced “funtasy” and it has a lot to do with underwear and dancing.”

“This 32 year old who’s been texting me like woah!”

“To be god.”

“Ohhhh I have sooo many. There are just too many to pick. Probably the one involving shit though.”

“Penn law school”

“To have sex with sharks swimming around me, and an unlimited supply of oxygen”

“Being tom sawyer”

“That better have been only to me”

“Flying”

“Happyness”

“Thats a good one… What responses did u get thus far?”

“To inquire enough money, time, friends, resources and love to travel the world, meet and see all the wonders and reality that which is this earth- and take a pic with the Awads at the sphyinx”

“To drink with marry tonight! Im in harrisburg for meetings all day and im staying here tonight”

“If I tell you mine, would you tell me your?” “What is ur fantasy?”

“Football”

“So i was asked what’s my fantasy … and i couldn’t answer… thats when i started laughing”

what's so great about turning 25?

what’s so great about turning 25? is what i asked you guys this week…. well… because i’ll be 25 on wednesday [13th.]  i tried to get happy about turning 25. so i thought you guys could help me out…. about 49 out of 105 of you responded… here’s what you said…


 

“drop in car insurance prices!” 

“Rent cars and smash them into shit. Duh.” 

“You are a quarter of a century and you start to figure out what you really want out of life” “you can say you are a quarter of a century old and you can get into 25 and older clubs”

“you are divisible by 5.”

“Nothing”

“Cheaper car insurance.” 

“Rent car” 

“Not a damn thing.” 

“You’re officially a quarter!” 

“Renting a car!!!” 

“Less hassles renting a car!” 

“Car insurance goes down” 

“Aint shit lol” 

“Nothing” 

“Call me u still have3 days? We” 

“a third of ur life is over. LMAO” 

“Mom lets you stay out to midnight” 

“One yr closer to death”

“Idk I’m only 21lol” 

“Its great because you have 5 years before you turn 20 as opposed to 3 years, like ME!” 

“Not sure. Not there yet. Maybe cuz my 25th bday is on superbowl sunday..?” 

“01/02:You get to look back on all the amazing life roller coasters you’ve been on - and anticipate the many more ahead. its cliche, but its true :) you’ve made 02/02:it this far, mars! :)))) celebrate. mwah!” 

“You can rent a car and drink at a table with minors. That’s all.” 

“We can rent cars now. Insurance goes down too. Otherwise it sucks.”

“Becoming a year older than 24” 

” ” - 

“The fact that I haven’t done it yet.”

“bro.. r u 25…u dont look like” 

“Your vagina releases gas now” 

“Can i get back to you in 410 days?” 

“Nothing” 

“Fuck that, I’ll never be older than 18.” 

“You’re halfway to 50!” 

“The ability to rent a car!” 

“Your car insurance goes down!”

“Burying your family members” 

“You are 25% closer to being 100” 

“aging like a fine wine and wisdom that comes from the years” 

“Aww happy bday marry! its better than 26” 

“I forget to answer your question, sorry I was in the middle of a final…” 

“Your worth a quart of a centry! Lol” ” Hey you got change for “25” sense lol Neeeeyaaah!!!” “Woman savor the last day of being 24!” 

“The whole still being alive to see 25 thing is pretty nice :)” 

“cheaper car rentals cheaper auto insurance :D:D:D” 

“you can now rent a car! hurray!!!” 

“the same thing that was great about turning 24” 

“you can go to chucky cheese” 

“donno havent been 25 yet.. whats so great about 24?” 

“enjoy every number in your life. every year is special in some way.”

“probably the same thing about turning 24. i forgot our birthdays were so close together. how are you?! happy birthday”

what's your biggest regret?

what’s your biggest regret? is what i asked you guys this week. it stemmed from an interesting lunch that i was on with my two cousins at a local restaurant in the 717. one of the waitresses working recognized me and felt the need to come over and say hi. however. in the process. she announced to the entire restaurant that the only reason she remembered me was because of some stupid decision i made in high school. totally. not. what. i wanted to be remembered for. big disasters. caught me in a total state of shock. and left me scrambling. so. i thought i’d ask you guys what your biggest regrets were. so far. about 31 out of 105 of you have responded…. here’s what you said.




“moving countries, going to uni”

“We did this one already!!!” “Yeah we did, I said being rich!”

“having you as a sister.”

“not being happy.”

“Not finishing college.”

“My biggest regret would probably be just letting unhappiness and other peoples opinions control me for so long. Took me a while to realize that no one has the r”

“Giving you my phone number because everyweek this happens. lulz. =p”

“I live my life with no regrets, only memories…Ohhhh!”

“Not marrying my Argentinian lover before he got deported out of the country. Sidenote: hi Mary! Kisses to u from Cali!”

“Not taking high school seriously.”

“Getting involved with phil.”

“Not staying on campus more my first few years of college… Going home every weekend was really a waste”

“Underutilizing my potential. I should have known trix are for kids!”

“Jen Breeding.”

“not going to college”

“Lieng about something stupid to my gf… lol”

“April 21, 2009”

“Her name is jess”

“Well, it was losing the person I loved more than anything, ( same girl as last time..) but I got her back recently and it’s awesome! So I’ll have to say my relationship with god isnt where it should be, and that makes me very unhappy.”

“Ignoring all the red flags”

“Not sleeping by your side last night. Ha ha ha…”

“Wasting time on people who dont care about me”

“Don’t remember and don’t really care.”

“Not asking the girl of my dreams ouw when i had the chance”

“My child”

“It was that guys honk”

“Divorce.”

“My deepest regret is not having any regrets.”

“Too many to mention”

“awww :(. U can come live wtb me instead. Haha.”

“I dont have regrets… I learned A long time ago that i’m too Grown to have any.”

what's the worst thing that's happened to you?

what’s the worst thing that’s happened to you? is what i asked you guys. only because today has been the worst day of my life. [tuesday.] and well. the past few days are in the running for worst days as well. lets see what happens by the end of the month. i promise you this bad streak isnt over. well. so far. about 22 out of 105 of you have responded. here’s what you said….

“These questions. Dammit Mary!”

“Dad passing away probably tops the list”

“My goldfish died lollollol”

“Side note; I thinkg I might love ur brother. True I have never seen a pic of him but he kinda rocks my world. Must run in ur family. Make Ali come back to reality!”

“Broken neck”“Meeting you?”

“My parent’s got divorced. How are you dear? I feel like we should see each other! Can you come to beth’s birthday?”

“My ex stole 9 grand from me. That was pretty terrible.”

“Not being able to see you everyday”

“I’m not a billionaire yet! Hahaha!”

“Getting put on a weekly text messaging questionare for some blog.”

“the worst thing that happened was that nothing happened between us.”

“I just tried ordering a turkey blt from a vendor and he told me I couldn’t because it was a breakfast item. Guuh!!”

“It actually happened last night. I have been in love with my ex for about two and a half years now (very common knowledge to close friends) and my friend ricky fucked her last night. Twice.. Is that bad enough? LOL”

“Wetting the bed…this morning.”

“Turd stain”

“Alwaysawkward.com”

“Don’t remember. To tragic.”

“The stock market”

“you not moving to Hawaii :(“

“I met someone. She wasn’t what she turned out to be.”

“Worst thing that’s happened? Hmmmm…my friend mary not agreeing to move to Philly to live w me! Shameless plug I know but what can I say. I love ya hehe”

“Finding out that i may or may not be able to have kids”

tell me one deeeeep dark dirty secret. i won't judge, i promise!

tell me one deeeeep dark dirty secret. i won’t judge, i promise! is what i asked you guys this week. curious as to how many of you would tell me the truth, or make something up. and curious to see how many of you would actually respond… so far about 27 out of 103 of you have. here’s what you said….

“I’m gay. Not really.. I do dudes.. Not really, dudes do me.. Not really I do chicks most of the time..”

“I have a birth mark on my back that is eight inches long. Freaks people out the first time they see it. Most people think its a giant bruise and i was beaten”

“I see ugly people:

“You could not handle my extreme depth or darkness. My dirty ways, forget about it.”

“I want to have sex with a dragon!”

“I’m really a man”

“I live in louisiana. Don’t hate me.”

“I think I’m gay and I’m too scared to tell my girlfriend.”

“I love to eat downtown! If you know what I mean. :-p What’s yours?”

“I’m going to be high all day.”

“One time… I was crossin the street, and I had seen a bird…in the sky. And I was like yooo, thats a bird, so I was like you know what, Imma go to the store… but then, it had rained…so I was walkin…but I fell and I was like, oh shoot!..so I had went home…but then I was goin to go out…but then…the phone had had rang…so I had picked it up…it was my momz…so she was like what you doin?…so I had told her about the bird…One time… I was crossin the street, and I had seen a bird…in the sky. And I was like yooo, thats a bird, so I was like you know what, Imma go to the store… but then, it had rained…so I was walkin…but I fell and I was like, oh shoot!..so I had went home…but then I was goin to go out…but then…the phone had had rang…so I had picked it up…it was my momz…so she was like what you doin?…so I had told her about the bird…One time… I was crossin the street, and I had seen a bird…in the sky. And I was like yooo, thats a bird, so I was like you know what, Imma go to the store… ”

“I hate getting my car towed in Philly. Secrets out.”

“I used to do ballet when i was younger :):)”

“I like when he grabs my butt! It makes me feel attractive and wanted :)”

“I wish I could.”

“Me n u slept together…. Whaaaatttt lol”

“I love to cum when I’m driving. In fear/hope i loose total control.”

“Tehe”

“I think the last time i had sex was sometime in 2006 and i don’t really care. That Also applies to making out as well.”

“I’m was a home wrecker. If u know wat I’m saying!”

“My deep dark secret is that I’ve slept with over 20 men and that I’m gonna be upset if you back to PA :( I’m really gonna miss you marry”

“I want a jumper like when I was a kid, and Mary janes”

“Secret, 5 years ago, i accidentally dropped a puppy. Traumatic!”

“i’m really boring.”

“I am a virgin and suppppper proud of it”

“Mmmm I jerk off a lot. Hahaha is that deep, dark, and dirty. Hahhaha”

“I love to savor the smell between my toes & belly button after a sweaty day! Yum!!!”

i love you.

i love you. is what my awkward text was this week. i am on a “break” from/with my boyfriend of one year. and well. i guess i needed to tell someone i loved them. so who better and what better time to do it then to text all of you that. i got some great responses. and i realized how much that can actually impact someones day. i was also interested in finding out what you guys thought/felt when you first read the text… thats why im leaving this open, and i hope you guys will either type in the answer box what you felt, or tell me and i’ll post them anonymously. so far. about 63 out of 104 of you have responded…. i think thats the most responses yet…. haha. here’s what you said….

“Lol thanks I love you too”

“What?”

“Haha. Dude, where r u? I love u too”

“Die.”

“Haha ?”

“I love you too.”

“I love you too”

“Awe :)”

“Right back at ‘cha”

”??”

“I love you too”

“I love you too, Mary. =)”

“Luv u too!”

“i love you too!”

“You’re so sweet, I love you too :) (even though I know that your message was probably for the online responses thing lol)”

“What?”“Mary, let’s get married.”

“Love you too, what’s up? You dying?”

“I love you too where did that come from?”

“I love YOU sweet pea! where are you?”

“I love you more!!”

“Love you too twin. <3”

“Me luv marry 2!”

“I love YOU!”“I love you. @marry » I love your mass texts. Ps, I never know when you’re in town until you’re leaving. FIX THAT!”

“me too love you”

“I love u too marry whats going on? ”

“i love you too. A lot.”

“Aw! I love you too! Thank you!”

“I love you too. Wanna do it.”

“What?”

“I love you too man. No, seriously i love you. Just say thank you. Okay thank you.”

”:)”

“Do you”

”?”

“I love you too but why?”

“I thought the message was from someone else and it made my heart jump”

“Wow…..uhhh sooooo yeah”

“I love you too!!!”

“Aw me too what was that text for”

“why?”

“Are you ok?”

“SEX!”

“Awe i miss you”

“I love u 2! U made my day. Did u hear bout my wreck or what?”

“Aw i love u too, hope all is well”

“You too <3”

“Great. Just what i need… Another woman pretending to love me”

“I love u too.”

“Lol what was that for, I love you too though :)”

“love you too!”

”?”

“Lol where’d that come from”

“I think we should talk”

“What up Wow, lol”

“Is this for your blog or do you really mean that? You can’t just be throwing the “I” word around!”

“Aw man i love you too :) how are you?”

”?”“That wasn’t even an awkward question it was a statement”

“Mary you are the best. That made my day :)”

“I love you too!”

“wtf”

“I love you ! Im sad Youre in ny. And im Sorry i didnt call last night i slept super early. :(”

“I love u 2”“Was that supposed to be the weekly question”

“Love u”

“I love you too. And miss you.”

you into showerin?

you into showerin? was what i asked you guys this week. it was a typo to a friend earlier. and thought. how awkward. haha. well. heres what you guys said…. so far about 51 out of 110 of you have responded…. enjoy!!



“He’ll yes”

“Over it.”

“I love showers! Twice a day if possible.”

“Lollollol when its a holiday lol jk do it religiously”

“At times yeah LOL”

“Baths!”

“Only on tuesdays”

“Yes its been my dream to shower with you for ages”

“Most definitely..”

“Yes. I shower every morning.”

“i loves showerin’…showerin’s good.”

“Twice a day sometimes more”

“Sho nuff!”

“Wtf?”

“Only when I have to.”

“I love them especially when it’s really wet. How about you?”

“All day every day I am”

“baby showers yes, bridal shower no.”

“Yes- every three days- and Turkish baths in between.”

“No but i am into sushi”

“Only if its golden.”

“Only with your dad”

“What how’d you know that?”

“Dunno what’s this you speak of”

“Golden showers ! Hahahahahahaha”

“All the time”

“If i could i’d shower each day for an hour”

“My shower shocks me, literally. I used to shower every day.”

“In piss”

“Im into showerin wit chu, mama”

“I loves getting clean”

“…”

“Yes but ur not!!!”

“Not if I think I  can get away without it.”

“Sometimes”

“Lmao, could u smell me from maspeth?”

“With u? Tits yea!! Ps. I just sent that exact message to my girlfriend by mistake so it seems I have some explaining to do..”

“….every so often. You LOL! </joke>”

”- yeah. Care to join me?”

“Holaaaa”

“Who isnt LOL”

“I like a Good shower. Why you ask?” “Oh ok. You like showers or baths? lol”

“What kind of showerin? :x”

“Huh? LOL”

“Yes”

“Huh? LOL”

“Show me a pic of u in the shower”

“Hey babe”

“i was very confused as to what you meant by that text message that you were so kind enough to send me today.“‘it was awkward enough for me not to text her back.”

“Of course who doesn’t want 2 shower”

“Did you send that to only me?”

what shouldn't you do with your tongue?

what shouldn’t you do with your tongue? is what i asked you guys this week. man. haha. i shoulda known these were the answers i would get. so far, about 42 out of 104 of you have responded… here’s what you said….



“Stick it out …. Or lick people”

“Bite it. Ever.”

“Let it explore holes”

“Put it inside unidentified foreign objects”

“Laaaaaaaaaghhhhhh”

“Lick a cold pole?”

“Swallow it”

“Lick a cold poll or stick out to tease our president with!”

“RAPTURE”

“lick a frozen pole”

“You should not use it to clean up vomit. Although, it seems to work for my dog”

“I’m sorry… Who is this?” “Ooooh now I remember. Awkward questions! Don’t pull a Christmas Story with your tongue. Ouch.”

“Something I shouldn’t have done last night! Lol!”

“Stick it in your mouth. Sucka!”

“Give Mary awad head.”

“P.s. Are my answers good or no? Pull the bats out of your significant others cave”

“Bite it”

“Lick my feet”

“stick it in poop”

“Its what CAN’T you do lollollol totally kidding. Um..slice paper ? lol”

“Lol… There are no limits. Well… Then again, no butthole”

“Nothing! That would be the worse thing! To not do something with your tongue! What a pitty!”

“an endless list of things”

“Bite it really hard”

“Put it in a prostitutes mouth. Aka shamwow guy.”

“The duties of toilet paper”

“Test batteries!!!”

“Make love to a scientologist”

“Give it paper cuts.”

“play baseball”

“Toss salad?”

“Lick Shit”

“stick it on a frozen poll!”

“Touch a 9 volt battery”

“”Is this always awkward?? i say eat at any restaurant in the city that uses wok as a verb, I.e. Wok N Roll or Wok this way”

“I dont know but i know what you should haha! friend answer 1. Lick a cold pole”

“You should never get it stuck on a frozen pole even if someone triple dog dares u.”

“Stick it in any opening or crevasse”

“Lick things that wouldn’t get you a present for CHristmas!!!”

“Bite it silly.. Oh or stick it in between some tramps legs while your drunk and later finding out she has crabs. So now your beard itches and your girlfriend is pissed. And also itchy..Dammit!”

“You definately shouldn’t tease a pitt bull with it if you don’t know how long his chain is.”

what are your thoughts on swinging?

what are your thoughts on swinging? is what i asked you guys this week… needless to say, i got quite the mixed bag of answers!! here’s what you said. so far 40 out of 102 of you have responded….


“It is a terrible idea for so many reasons, wow. Yeah, bad idea.”

“Charleston swinging or 70’s swinging?”“Either way, im pro swinging, especially if it involves you and me and a bottle of ky……owwww Maybe we could throw us in a goat and make it into a true interspecies erotic fuck fest…..oh god lets do it, lets make a retarded goat baby”

“I love swings! Last time I swung I was about 12! I’m now 27! Been awhile! Need to do it again, its great on the legs!!!”

“i like riding swings and swing dancing.”

“i love swinging a baseball bad”

“You cant just start spelling your name differently, Mary!!! And i love it.”

“On a playground?”

“Ill swing you anyday, baby”

“Why? Who is asking?”

“Sounds like fun!! (^_^)”

“The more, the merrier!”

“I like longs park”

“Sexually-wrong. As playground toy- good”

“Way more fun if there’s some else to push you.”

“I think do it up. Just year the right shoes otherwise it could get risky.”

“I will not share my husband with anyone and that’s final”

“I’d be all for it if I had someone to swing with..you know any impressionable girls 15-23?”

“Variety is the spice of a marriage.”

“Numerous”

“I have fond childhood memories of it.”

“Playground is the best place to do it.”

“Haha I wanna swing now!!!”

“Used to do it back in the day but I lost my wingman…you deal the hand your given, huh?”

“I aint no monkey !!!LOL”

“That could mean so many things…”

“swinging is cool as long as there is communication btwn bth people in the couple and both r willing bc they want to……….also the boundries and limits need to be set and followed and can be changed.”

“Wrong in every sense, and absolutely insane”

“Peacefull”

“No way!”

“Uhh…no, one girl is g00d enough for me”

“Well it helps if you’re bored lollol”

“Nothing but dirty stuff.”

“I’d rather be the one swigning, not the swinger. And when I am the swinger I like to get really high and jump off when I get to the top. Hurts my feet some times when I jump…”

“RAPTURE.”

“I swing my honkalulu all the time!”

“My girlfriend wouldn’t be too stoked if I answered that question truthfully.”

“Couples? Or swings in general? Couples: eh whatever floats yer boat. Swings: AMAZING!”

“I tink its a faster way of get something tat u don’t want!”

“Wouldnt it be neat if we could swing ourselves all the way around the swingset?”

“I still love to do it 22 years later!”